Monday, May 29, 2006

Corporate Advertising

Even though this Blog is new and the traffic is relatively low (only a million hits so far), I have decided to go ahead and lease out parts of it to corporate advertisers.

So I phoned a representative from the Coca-Cola corporation, and told him about the deal."Two eight by two inch banners at a thousand dollars a month, plus $0.02 royalty on every coke sold through my site."

He asked me how many submarines I would be putting the banners on, and if they showed up in any National Georgraphic or Discovery Channel documentaries.

"I meant for my website," I said.

"Does your website link with the National Geographic or Discovery Channel's website?"

"Not now, but I haven't called them yet. They were next on my list."

With Coca-Cola noncommittal, I next phoned the offices of Larry Flynt's Hustler magazine. A man with a gurgling, high-pitched voice answered, "Who's this?"

I told him about the offer, and that I would lower the asking price to a one time fee of five thousand dollars for an eight by ten inch banner, with a royalty of $0.01 for every magazine sold through my site.

He said that he was sorry, but he couldn't take on any more debt at the moment. Larry Flynt Enterprises had spent so much money on internet advertising that it was down to one employee again. Larry thanked me for calling, but said that there were already enough banner ads for Hustler magazine to stretch from here to Venus and back, and he paid out a nickel every time one was clicked.

I thanked him for all the good times, and hung up.

I next phoned Google, the popular internet search engine, and told them about the hottest new site on the web. They almost immediately agreed to the terms I offered, with one exception. They wanted me to pay for a link on their site. "Listen, lady," I said, my pride hurt, "there isn't enough room on the internet for both of us. One day, we'll either merge, or you'll come around and pay to advertise on my site."


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